ICYMI: Advice to a New, Young Friend
Thoughts in response to questions from people reaching out to me.
Published October 16, 2022.
Having Something to Give to a New Contact
My global network is exploding. I am being introduced to so many new people. It is a fascinating time for me. It can be for you too.
When you meet people, you may already have in your mind the kind of person that they will be. Unless you are looking to meet specific kinds of people, a wider range of humanity is probably waiting for an introduction. This is certainly what I find through my LinkedIn engagement.
For me, many of these new relationships are with young men and women around the world. I know many of you think Millennials and GenZ’s are not worthy of your consideration. My experience is that you are projecting your own inner conflicts upon them. They are their own people. They are responding to the world as it appears to them. My experience with them is inspiring and instructive. More than anything they need peer mentor relationships with people who are not of their generation. Note, I said PEER MENTORSHIP. By that, I do mean, that we need to mutually mentored one another.
When people reach out to me, they often say some version of “I like to learn new things. I hope to meet successful people here to learn more about business from each other.” My experience is that when people say this, they are sincere, but they do not know what this means.
Recently, a young woman wrote those words to me in a direct message. Here is my advice.
Advice to a new, young friend
1. You must take charge of your own learning.
Don't wait for someone to come along and be some kind of guru leading you to some ideal place. There is no end point to learning. There is no person who knows everything in every way so they are the only person that you need to follow. The experts who exist are experts in narrow fields. Take what you learn from one person and place it alongside someone from another field of learning. Where they agree, take notice of that. Then, either agree or disagree, and in your own mind figure out why. In other words …
Think for Yourself!
Know your Own Mind.
Live to Preserve the Integrity of Your Values.
2. We are all in transition.
What we learn is how we go through each stage of transition. There is no fixed destination for learning. The transitions that we go through are personal – we are always changing – and cultural – the world is always changing. So, we learn to live in an environment of constant change. When we begin to embrace change and realize we can remain the same person, then we know we are learning what we really need to know. All this is like the juggler in the circus, tossing up one plate after another, trying to catch them, and quickly tossing them without any plates falling to the floor and breaking. This means that there are times when we may have too many plates and need to let something go.
3. It is important to do these three things.
a. Read a lot.
Read books. Read blogs, like Substack. Read online. As you read, do not treat anything that you read as the last word. When you come across something that you do not understand. Take note of that. When you read something that seems too good to be true, you are probably right. Ask why? Read to learn, to become aware, to broaden your perspective, and to learn about new worlds and people. Also, it is okay to mark up your books. Take notes in them. Because someday, you’ll return to that book, see your reaction then, and realize, “Wow! Look how much I’ve grown.”
b. Write every day.
Keep a journal. Don't write for anyone but yourself. Write down words that you hear, phrases that you come across, and thoughts that you have. At some point, you will have something to say that one other person may want to hear. After writing my first book, people would come up to me at book signings and say, “I’d like to write a book.” I’d tell them, “Don’t! Just write. Write for yourself. If there is something in you that ought to become a book, it will show itself. Then, write your book.”
c. Build your network of relationships through conversation.
Talk to people. Listen to people. Ask them, “Who do you know that you think I should know, and would you introduce me?” Don't take things that they say as the whole truth, but rather as their perspective. You have a perspective. The more you read, write, and talk with people, the more that perspective will become clear to you.
4. Here are articles that I have written at my Substack site that I think will be helpful to you.
Some of these articles are intended to acquaint you with the content of the Circle of Impact model of leadership. Others are to help root your daily practice in some disciplines that will advance your knowledge and life experience.
Recovering Our Humanity through Writing and Conversation
We Learn Iteratively and Emergently
Is Leadership a Role or a Function?
Circle of Impact Guiding Principles
Five Questions That Everyone Must Ask
Start Right Now
5. Do Not Fear the Future. Do Not Be Disappointed in Hardship.
You can only start from where you are right now. You can only grow at your pace. Don't let others come to define how you measure your growth in learning. Stay in touch, and let me know how you are doing.
To grow requires discipline.
It means sacrifice.
It includes hardship and disappointment.
For this reason, and I learned this from some students in Switzerland …
Have a purpose for your life.
It will be the foundation for knowing who you are so that as you go through the transitions in life, you can stay focused on the path that is carrying you forward.
Do not fear the future. Instead, seek the future where you can grow and create a life of impact.
Without knowing you, or anyone reading this post, I believe that you can be a person whose life makes a difference that matters. I believe this because it is your decision.
6. When you have questions, ask. Write a comment after reading a post.
Discover how to have something to say. We only learn by doing. We learn to do well by doing it over and over.
Your question may be someone else’s too. I’ll respond as quickly as I can.