Questions and Conversations

Reflections on Polish filmmaker Krzysztof Kieślowski's documentary "Talking Heads"

The experience of producing The Eddy Network Podcast has added an unexpected dimension to my life.

I have always been a talker, a conversationalist, and an initiator of interaction with people. The podcast has taken this experience to a new level. It has become a vehicle for discovery. Principally because the best conversations are the ones where we listen to the other person.

Sitting in a bar the other day, watching March Madness basketball, I described the podcast to the guy sitting next to me. I pivoted on my stool, waved my arm across the entire bar, and said,

“Every one of these people would be interesting guests.

They all have something to say about themselves and their life that is worth hearing.”

This thought came back to me as I watched Polish filmmaker Krzysztof Kieślowski’s documentary Talking Heads. Kieślowski asks a set of simple questions to people between the ages of 2 and 100. He asks,

• What year were you born?

• Who are you?

• What do you wish for most?

• What do you want?

• What would you like?

Simple questions whose answers provoke interesting follow-up questions.

At the beginning of each episode of my podcast, I typically ask a version of Who are you? and What do you do? In their response, the guest will say something that will trigger a question from me that takes us into an interesting journey of discovery.

My purpose in these conversations is simple.

• Affirm the person.

• Talk about something we are both interested in.

• Encourage similar human interaction.

Talking Heads

What is interesting about Krzysztof Kieślowski’s documentary is the context of time and place. He filmed it in 1980 in Warsaw, Poland. This was a time of change in the Eastern Europe.

Please watch the video. It is only 15 minutes long. Listen intently.

I promise you will not be bored. Share your thoughts in the comments. Mine follows the video.

Kieślowski’s Film in Context

The socio-cultural and historical context of Kieślowski’s film is important. Filmed in Warsaw, Poland in 1980, a time before the digital revolution had conquered the world. It is a faint memory for many of us. Then, there were no mobile communication devices. No social media. No mass social influencers. No sense of being a global citizen. We were all bound by our local places of family and work. The global future was at least thirty years in the future. So Krzysztof Kieślowski’s film is an artifact of a former time that is worthy of our attention.

The scene is Poland, a decade before the collapse of the Soviet Union and at the beginning of the papacy of the Polish priest Karol Wojtyla, Pope John Paul II. His impact on the world was great. Many of my Protestant friends during his papacy would say that Pope John Paul was the pope for the whole church universal.

I remember the decade of the 1970s as a time of uncertainty. There were not many jobs for university graduates. Home mortgage rates marked the time of high inflation as rates rose as high as 17%. It was a time of high inflation, gas shortages, a presidential resignation, and the end of the Vietnam War. Many of the desires and ambitions of these Polish men, women, and children were mine.

In Poland at this time, Solidarity, a Polish trade union founded in August 1980 at the Lenin Shipyard in Gdańsk, Poland, was the first independent trade union to gain state approval from a Communist government. The movement emerged as an anti-authoritarian using methods of civil resistance to advance the causes of workers' rights and social change. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Questions and Conversations

I like Kieslowski’s questions. They are simple and straightforward. Let’s look closely at them to understand what he is asking.

1. What year were you born?

If we were to ask that question today, we would be opening up the conversation to talk about generational differences. We all have opinions and judgments about people from different generations. In many respects, the time of our birth establishes the foundation of our biases.

I was born in 1953, in the middle of the Baby Boomer generation. We bring certain expectations to the world that younger generations do not have. I see this in the conflict that erupts between Gen X business owners and their potential employees from the Gen Z generation. Perspectives about work, compensation, and society in general are very different. While no generational perspective is absolute, knowing when a person was born can give us insight into the significant events that took place during their formative years.

2. Who are you?

If there ever was a wide-open question to ask someone, asking who you are is it. It is not a throwaway question but one that requires some reflection.

We need to answer this question ourselves before we ask someone else. In modern industrial society, which is true of Communist Poland and Capitalist America, we interpret this question as being about the roles we have in society. But that is a very limited perspective. Many of those roles carry no meaning for us. The question, therefore, “Who are you?” is not specific enough to elicit a deeper perception of who we are. However, you will notice in the documentary, that few of these people interviewed answer in terms of what their jobs were. The question should really explore the values that shape our lives. Listen again to the people interviewed by Kieslowski. You can see how the belief in freedom, which is the hallmark of Western democracy, was influencing Polish citizens in the 1970s.

3. What do you wish for most? What do you want? What would you like?

These three questions are very similar as they focus on what we desire.

It is like asking someone, “Where do you find hope today?” When I began to ask this question on the podcast, the tone of the conversation changed. Even in the darkest moments, people find some way to have hope. I ask because I am interested in what my viewers and listeners think about hope. Do you have “a hope against hope” perspective? Or, can you identify something specific that gives you hope?

See how these questions can open up all kinds of avenues for conversation.

Asking Questions When First Meeting Someone in Person

Every one of us finds ourselves in situations where are meeting people for the first time. Do you have a plan or a method for how to approach people? Do you know how to ask questions that create a genuine conversation? This is important for us to know.

There are no right questions, only questions.

Any question can start a conversation. I’ve experienced this over the past two months, having just moved back to my hometown after being away for over fifty years.

I’ve been asking people, “How long have you lived here?”

One neighbor has been here six years. Another grew up here, moved to New York at a young age, and only recently returned. He knew my high school football coach because they lived in the same neighborhood.

Connections matter.

One couple moved here in December. They are retired from law enforcement work. He was an investigator. We discovered that how we approach our work is very similar.

Questions fuel discovery.

Another couple splits their time between Winston-Salem, his home, and Raleigh, her home. When I asked where they live here, we discovered that they live across the street from the house I grew up in.

Small-world discoveries matter.

I met a guy in corporate finance. I asked him what changes had he seen over the past two years since the pandemic. He said, “Greater uncertainty.”

Identifying change or transitions matters.

Having a vehicle for conversation is important. It may be going to the same coffee shop or gym. Or, in my situation, having a podcast. I’ve invited a dozen people to be guests. I’ve talked to people passing by my house. I’m asking questions about the history of my block and how it has changed. I ask about who lives here.

Settings for conversations matter.

Lastly, the most important question that I ask is “Who do you know that you think I should know? Would you introduce us?” I’ve asked the question in particular of the people that I knew a half-century ago, who have lived here all their lives. In asking them, I am told their stories.

Relationships matter.

In other words, it is best to be curious, asking respectful questions. From this approach, I discover what people think, what bothers them, and where they find hope.

Let me finish by asking you, “Where do you find hope today?”